Thursday, April 01, 2010

Culture Shock 04.01.10: You won't believe this column is not bacon

A Seattle-based distillery has taken the old Reese's Peanut Butter Cups slogan "two great tastes that taste great together" into an entirely new realm.

It has given the world bacon-flavored vodka.

Check today's date. I'll wait.

Yes, it is indeed April 1 — otherwise known as April Fools' Day. But no, I'm not making this up. Feel free to Google "Bakon Vodka" if you don't believe me. I'll still be here when you get back.

Told you so.

And vodka is only the latest thing that people have discovered tastes better when it tastes like bacon. There are bacon-favored mints, bacon-flavored gumballs and — my favorite — bacon-flavored mayonnaise, available in both "regular" and "lite," for those diet-conscious lovers of fatty, bacon-infused egg products.

Recently, I even ran across a recipe for turducken — turkey stuffed with duck stuffed with chicken — that adds a bacon wrapping, for that extra-delicious, artery-clogging kick.

Did you know that every time I say the word "bacon," British celebrity chef Jamie Oliver cries?

Seriously, if Oliver can come to America and lecture us for eating fattening, unhealthy food, then I think we should send Donny Osmond to England to lecture Brits about proper dentistry. I mean, I once heard a British actress say she had never flossed until she came to the United States. Obviously, some stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason.

Now, where was I? Oh, yes. Bacon.

Even stranger than bacon vodka is bacon ice cream. 3Chef and food writer David Lebovitz, author of "The Sweet Life in Paris" and "The Perfect Scoop," came up with the recipe for candied bacon ice cream, which you can find at his Web site, Five strips of bacon will make three-fourths of a quart.

And bacon-flavored ice cream is only the beginning. Last year, Time magazine published a story about bacon desserts. If you're feeling adventurous, the recipes are online at

But why just eat bacon when you can wear it, too? Sure bacon tastes great, but half of its allure is the smell. Wash with bacon soap, and you'll be irresistible to the opposite sex.

OK, so maybe bacon soap is a little extreme. Maybe you just need a bacon-scented air freshener for your car. In either case, I've seen both for sale online.

You can also buy bacon lip balm, bacon dental floss and even bacon bandages, which don't smell or taste like bacon, but they do look like little strips of bacon. Sometimes, it's the thought that counts.

For you vegetarians, there is bacon-flavored bacon that isn't really bacon. And for your dog, there's Beggin' Strips, which also isn't bacon, but your dog won't know that.

And now, a confession.

At this point, I was planning to make up a bacon story, fool you into believing it was true, then hit you with the customary "April Fools'!" But I can't do it. Each time I Google bacon and something else, it turns out the thing really does exist. Or, if it doesn't, someone has said it should, which means someone, somewhere has probably tried to make it. There simply is no end to people's love of bacon.

I even found a picture of a woman who was wearing a bra made of bacon. That gives a whole new meaning to the concept of edible underwear.

So, there is no April Fools' moral to this tale. If you're looking for that, I suggest you turn to the latest news out of Washington, D.C., where pork is a state of mind.

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